it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
