it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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