You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
