Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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