Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
