my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
