I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
