I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
