I accidentally burped into my bong.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
