That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
