I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
