you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
