I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she was so not down for the gang bang
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
