i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
