FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
