I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
