Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i drank out of a bidet.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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