The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
