SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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