You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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