just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
