Do vagina's smell?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
