I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
