Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
