I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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