I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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