I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
