What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Two words: blizzard sex
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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