So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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