Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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