you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
