I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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