Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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