One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
