the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
3 2 1 whiskey
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
