worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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