I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize