sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
