He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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