There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
