beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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