I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
