No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
