Yo dont text me then not text me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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