idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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