when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
