And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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