I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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