There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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