She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
