Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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