My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
