Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
