Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
