I just threw up on my dentist
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
