Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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