i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
