I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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