u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
