I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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