The maid of honor just puked.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
