I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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