You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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