Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
