Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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