I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
