I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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