so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
