3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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