in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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