I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
