the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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