I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
