The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
