tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
