At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
