sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
