4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
