I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize