remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
