Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
