go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
