i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
