the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize