I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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