saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
