well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
